Grocery Shopping Makes Me…

So, I went to the grocery store today, and as I cruised the aisles, I could not resist buying a Velveeta Cheesy Skillets mix. Here’s why:

They had me at the first “smite.”

I’m not sure when I’ll make this feast. It’s not something hubby would like, so maybe it will have to wait for an evening when he has a dinner meeting, with leftovers for subsequent lunches.

Must have.

As the fellow in the ad says, “Mmmmmm.”

Buying this meal mix got me to thinking about how Velveeta makes such a terrific grilled cheese. So I bought some just for that. Way to go, Madison Avenue! You done good with this ad.

With this one, too:

Fiber makes me….sad. Haven’t we all thought that during our dark nights of the soul?

And yes, I now have some Fiber One bars in my pantry. But not those sad ones. The brownie ones. Mmmmmm….

If Madison Avenue snagged me with these lures, they don’t get me with others. For example, when I went to buy dish detergent, I was first attracted to the Dawn power scrubber variety, until I saw the label that said it supports wildlife.

Now, I’m not against supporting wildlife. Just don’t try to sell me dish detergent with a smarmy add-on about it, okay? Own up to who you are — a multinational cleaning products company intent on making a buck by using the latest feel-good trend to reel in customers. Just sell the darn detergent. Don’t try to sell me on environmentalism. It makes me….mad.

On the shelf above the Dawn were some “green” or “eco-friendly” dish detergents. But I wouldn’t be suckered into purchasing these, either, oh, no.

Dish detergent that makes me...happy.

Call me crazy, but it seems to me that the glop they need to mix together to make a detergent probably at best produces a murky shade, at worst a dubious brown. Yet these “pure” and “green” varieties were either clear or yellow or green. Methinks their purity is besmirched by color additive besmirchers.  So much for the green label. It makes me…skeptical.

I ended up buying the Dawn baking soda variety. Nice lemon scent. Nice artificial yellow color. Nice absence of charitable exploitation. It makes me….glad.

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